What better way to relax as a family than to sit down on the couch together, pull up a funny movie, and share some laughs. Hollywood makes big money on family comedies. All of the Pixar movies, from Toy Story to Hoppers, might have a serious message, but they’re built on making kids laugh. Home Alone has been passed down over the generations and is a must-see every Christmas season. Freaky Friday has been rebooted and given sequels and those little yellow weirdos from Despicable Me and The Minions are hilarious.
Still, there are plenty of great comedies you should totally keep your kids away from. R-rated films, where the laughs are found in how raunchy the characters can be, are funny for the adults, but if you watch them with children, you’re going to be explaining some things. You know the type. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Porky’s. There’s Something About Mary. These 10, however, are the filthiest of them and all.
10
‘The Hangover’ (2009)
The Hangover came out of nowhere in 2009 and was a huge hit thanks in part to its great premise. Todd Phillips‘ film plays out like a mystery, with a group of friends played by Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis waking up after a hard night of parting at a Las Vegas bachelor party, only to discover that their friend is missing. With no memory of what happened the night before, they go on an adventure throughout Sin City to find him.
The Hangover has dozens of f-bombs left and right. There are plenty of mentions of sex, jokes about sex, and some hilarious still photos on the subject in the end credits. These guys drink and do drugs (it’s why they’re in this mess) and they meet all kinds of shady people in Vegas. It’s one of the best comedies of the 21st century but makes for some rather awkward family viewing.
9
‘The 40-Year-Old Virgin’ (2005)
In 2005, Steve Carell had the double luck of starring in The Office and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. In the latter, directed by Judd Apatow, Carell is Andy, an awkward employee at an electronics store who has never had sex before, but meets the potential love of his life in Catherine Keener‘s Trish. Being so inexperienced, Andy is about to learn a lot of graphic things along the way.
If it’s awkward enough to watch a grown man learn about sex in a movie, imagine how uncomfortable you’ll be with your kids finding out about the birds and bees this way. Children would laugh themselves silly watching Steve Carell go through that iconic body waxing scene, but Andy’s friends, including Seth Rogen, are beyond filthy. They are the crudest people. Parents will laugh until they cry, but your child is going to be extremely confused.
8
‘Superbad’ (2007)
If you want a raunchy teen comedy that’s a throwback to the 80s, you can’t do any better than Greg Mottola‘s Superbad. Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, the film centers on two high schoolers, Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera), looking to escape their dull lives before college by going to a party and hooking up with the girls they like. With these guys being so out of their element, everything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Seth and Evan can’t go more than thirty seconds without cursing. Worse, if you do, for some reason, choose to watch Superbad with your children, is how many crude sexual comments they make. Everything sexual is funny to them, possibly as a way to deflect from their pathetic love lives. The flashback of a young Seth getting in trouble because he can’t stop drawing penises is the funniest scene in the movie, but if your kids see it, they might freak out more than Seth’s classmate does.
7
‘Bad Santa’ (2003)
Oh, look kids, it’s a movie about Santa Claus. Wanna watch it? Please, don’t ever let young children see Bad Santa. Terry Zwigoff‘s film stars Billy Bob Thornton as Willie T. Soke, a mall Santa who is actually a thief with his little person assistant, Marcus Skidmore (Tony Cox). Soke is a mean grump, the worst of the worst, a chain-smoking alcoholic who does drugs and has casual sex with a woman he just met at a bar. That’s not very Santa-like.
What kid wants to watch Saint Nick rob malls? Wilie Soke is a crude man, and so are many of the people around him. It’s a funny comedy for adults, with laugh lines a child won’t understand and should never hear. It’s also a rather black comedy, with dark scenes that include Soke considering suicide. One day, all kids learn the truth about Santa, but Bad Santa isn’t the way to do it.
6
‘American Pie’ (1999)
In 1999, the biggest teen comedy of the year, American Pie, was released, and audiences were instantly curious over the wild premise, which begins with Jim (Jason Biggs) caught by his father (Eugene Levy) having, uh, a physical relationship with an apple pie. That’s only one of countless shocking scenes. These high schoolers only think about sex, and as they prepare to graduate, making it happen is at the top of their to-do list.
American Pie is built on an ensemble cast of hilarious and shocking characters, with the perverted Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott) the crudest of them all. No child should be anywhere near this movie. They will see too much, hear too much, and learn about things they’re not ready for, such as what Michelle Flaherty (Alyson Hannigan) did that one time at band camp.
5
‘Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle’ (2004)
All kids love fast food, right, so what could be so wrong about letting them watch a movie about two guys on a journey to White Castle? Everything! Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, starring John Cho and Kal Penn, is a road trip movie with two stoners on a trip to get the famous hamburgers, only to encounter chaos on the way.
That sounds harmless enough, except for the fact that the movie is steeped in debauchery. It’s one scene after another of Harold and Kumar getting high, which is not the place for children to find out about recreational drug use. There are plenty of sexual situations, some nudity, and an iconic performance from Neil Patrick Harris that even makes adults blush.
4
‘Orgazmo’ (1997)
In 1997, the South Park guys, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, released their first film, Orgazmo. All you need is the title to know that this comedy is adults only. In the movie, Parker, who also wrote and directed, stars as Joe Young, a Mormon missionary who turns to porn to make money as the silly, superhero character Orgazmo.
Would you ever let your young kids watch South Park? The answer to that should be no. In Parker and Stone’s animated series, the foul-mouthed little kids are clueless about everything to do with sex. Orgazmo is all about it. It’s pure over-the-top stupid raunch, crude and gross, and a fun time for adults, but don’t ruin you and your kids’ day by putting this one on.
3
‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ (2008)
The reason to avoid this one with your kids is right there in the title! Just like Orgazmo, the plot of Zack and Miri Make a Porno centers on the making of an adult film. Seth Rogen is back on the list in Kevin Smith‘s comedy as Zack Brown, the roommate and best friend of Miri Linky (Elizabeth Banks). Down and out and desperate for money, they and their friends decide to make their own porno, with hilarious consequences.
Zack and Miri Make a Porno is obviously stacked with sexual references and perverted jokes. It lives in the gutter and has fun with it, with lots of awkward sex scenes and a few scenes of nudity. No kid should ever watch this and none should ever want to. They’d be bored out of their minds. Not only are they too young for it, but there’s romance involved too. Gross.
2
‘Ted’ (2012)
Aww, it’s a movie about an adorable teddy bear that comes to life. That’s sort of technically true, but Ted is the farthest thing from a family film. When a lonely kid named John Bennett wishes for his stuffed bear to come to life, magic happens, but now, decades later, John (Mark Wahlberg) and Ted (Seth MacFarlane) are a couple of potheads failing at life.
Ted is one of the funniest comedies of the 21st century. Wahlberg and MacFarlane have a natural charisma, and the special effects are so good that Ted feels real on the screen. He and John are still best friends, but this is not the kind of friendship your children need to learn about just yet. The rapid-fire dialogue is one scene after another of drug and sex talk. You’ll laugh, but your kids will be traumatized.
1
‘Sausage Party’ (2016)
There is no similar type of movie a child can watch more traumatizing than Sausage Party. On the surface, it’s innocent, an innocent film about food in the grocery store that comes to life when humans aren’t watching. Oh, it’s like Toy Story! That’s where the similarities end. These food are sent to die in the mouths of their human captors and have to fight back at all costs.
Sausage Party once again involves Seth Rogen, who stars and co-wrote the film with Evan Goldberg and others. With who’s involved, you can expect the usual raunchy dialogue. Just because these are cartoon hot dogs doesn’t mean that they don’t think about sex constantly. Sausage Party is shocking, a laugh until you cry type of movie, with scenes of food orgies. Do not ever watch this with your children. Animation isn’t safe here. Animation makes any crude thing possible.