Title: The Super Mario Galaxy Movie
Describe This Movie In One Simpsons Quote:
HOMER: So all her bullying was just to get some attention?
LISA: No, Dad! Didn’t you listen to anything I said?
HOMER: Just to get some attention.
Brief Plot Synopsis: Generational trauma threatens an animated apocalypse.
Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 2 Bob Hoskins out of 5.
Tagline: “New galaxies. New friends. Yoshi joins the adventure.”
Better Tagline: “Whenever Yoshi’s not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, ‘Where’s Yoshi?’”
Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: All seemed well after plumber bros Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) joined forces with Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) to imprison the evil Bowser (Jack Black). Not so fast! Because here comes Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie), following in his father’s footsteps by kidnapping another princess. Rosalina (Brie Larson) is the (adoptive) mother of the starry Lumas and possesses powers integral to Bowser Jr.’s nefarious plans. Oh, and Yoshi (Donald Glover), uh, joins the adventure.
“Critical” Analysis: It’s actually kind of remarkable that Mario, a video game character that debuted 1981 (Donkey Kong), is still culturally relevant.
“Culturally relevant” might be putting it mildly. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is a sequel to a movie that grossed $1.3 billion, never mind the decades of video games, whether featuring Mario as the primary character or in a more collaborative role (there are 11 versions of Super Mario Kart alone). To say it another way, I have a hard time seeing the upcoming Masters of the Universe doing those kind of numbers.
Does that mean The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is good? Not really. Illumination’s animation is probably better here than in the Minions movies, but even that isn’t a 1:1 comparison. Galaxy is less deliberately off-putting, and more directly targets its core gaming audience. But decent visuals aside, there’s not much to appeal to those unfamiliar with the property.
“But,” you’re saying, “Wouldn’t that apply to *any* movie adaptation?” To a point, sure, but there was plenty in, say, Dune to entertain non-hardcore sci fi fans who maybe weren’t as geeked out as some of us by the inclusion of ornithopters. There are plenty of Easter eggs (how timely) in Galaxy, and lots of “inspired by the video game” action sequences, but nobody in the cast is working very hard to hold our interest.
Let’s start with Chris Pratt, whose casting as a Brooklyn-born Italian-American plumber was odd enough even before his half-assed accent and lackluster “Wahoos.” Jack Black and Charlie Day play weirdly (for them) subdued versions of Bowser and Luigi. Not that they’re done any favors by Matthew Fogel’s lackluster script.
And then there’s Donald Glover, who actively campaigned for the role of Yoshi. Considering the character says a total of one word in a voice that may as well have been generated by Google Gemini, I hope he didn’t put too much effort landing it. The only real standouts are Anya Taylor-Joy’s Princess Peach and Keegan-Michael Key as Toad, whose performance manages to cut through the voice modulation.
Nintendo and Illumination are banking (probably correctly) that parents will be willing to take their kids to a movie that — unlike other Illumination projects — isn’t remotely trying to appeal to adults. It’s refreshing, in a way, that a so-called “kids movie” is indeed just that. But when the characters have no apparent limits to their powers and clearly are in no actual danger (even when Bowser Jr. repeatedly threatens to “blow up the universe”), it still amounts to a 98-minute slog for grown-ups.
Not even putting Glen Powell in as Super Smash Bros. regular Fox McCloud is likely to move that dial.
All that aside, Galaxy is going to do gangbusters box office. You’ve got your newcomers (Larson, Safdie, Glover) joining forces with the core of the first film (Pratt, Day, Taylor-Joy, Key, Black) in a sea of Bloopers, Goombas, and Piranha Plants along with a shit ton of inside gags (Tostarenans!). It’s going to make so much money the President will probably claim credit for it.
Ask A 16-Year Old:
RFTED: Are we really still doing this? What’d you think?
16YO: Toad is the best character, hands down.
RFTED: Well, that wasn’t so bad…
16YO: And Luigi is hotter than Mario.
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is in theaters today.