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Have you ever wondered why some men seem to have all the luck with women? Could be looks. Could be charm. But sometimes, clothes can really make or break the man. There are certain clothing items that universally attract or repel women. It’s a good thing I’m here to break them down for you.
My first four turn-offs relate to shoes, and I don’t think I should have to apologize for that. Footwear is critical. Women notice your choice of footwear before they notice anything else. Did you think she was staring into your eyes? Wrong. The entire outfit could be great, and the shoes can instantly ruin it.
Editor’s Note: Welcome back to our BroBible relationship column from romance author Leslie Cohen. Read last week’s column here:
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So, let’s dive in:
THE ABSOLUTE OFFENSES
OFF: Hybrid Dress/Casual Sneakers
I know you think you’re killing two birds with one stone but you’re really killing our libidos with one pair of shoes. I can’t stress this enough: When it comes to men’s fashion, there is no greater offender than the hybrid sneaker/dress shoe. It is one or the other and you have to choose.
via Leslie Cohen
OFF: Running Sneakers with Jeans
Giant sneakers with thick soles are fine to wear with shorts or joggers. But if you’re wearing jeans or real pants, you need a sneaker that suits them. It should be sleek, with a relatively slim sole, and not meant for athletic endeavors beyond walking. Unless you want to look like a tourist in Times Square, save the running sneakers for running.
OFF: Sandals When You’re Not on the Beach
You may think we’re okay with seeing your toes, but we’re not. Unless you’re steps away from a shower or a body of water, keep them hidden. I once saw an entire relationship brought down by a pair of Tevas.
OFF: Crocs, Even Ironically
We want to burn them. Ohhhh, are they tie-dyed? Have you tricked them out with those little pins of your favorite band? Still no.
OFF: Cargo Shorts
Unless you are actively hiking or camping, there is no reason to have that many pockets. What are you carrying? Supplies for a natural disaster? The shorts are the disaster. Editor’s Note: Just buy some Chubbies and be done with it… shameless plug.
OFF: Beige Pants with a Blue Collared Shirt
It reminds us of grade school or the Gap in the 90s, and not in a good way. While we’re at it, let’s rule out flesh-colored clothing of any kind. Your clothes should contrast your skin color, not blend in with it, no matter your skin color.
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THE GREEN LIGHTS
ON: Clothes With the Right Hang:
Clothes that fit. Yes. Really. This is my advice. It may seem obvious but if you look around, it is clearly not. Wearing clothes that flatter your body properly is maybe the most important piece of the puzzle and you can’t put a price on it. Pants that are too long or shirts that are too baggy are not doing you any favors, but if your shirt hits your shoulders and torso just right, we’ll be thinking about it constantly. The right hang is very hot. It shows off your body. And we want to like your body. But don’t go too tight. We get it. You work out. I don’t think that shirt should be fighting for its life.
ON: A Suit and Tie
You may think “I don’t like dressing up. So stuffy. So investment banker” or “I’m more of a laid-back, casual type of guy.” Guess what? The suit and tie has been a staple of the male wardrobe for hundreds of years for a reason. There is something about a man in a suit and tie that women across the board from all walks of life find appealing. So if the situation calls for it, don’t put up a big protest. Do you ever feel like women look so much better in a short dress than in sweatpants? Well, that’s how we feel too. You may be a casual type of guy, but you will still look better in a suit and tie. Use it to your advantage. And don’t drop the tie. The tie pulls the whole thing together. A suit without a tie is like a salad with no dressing.
ON: A Soft T-Shirt That Smells Like Laundry
A super soft tee that smells clean is irresistible to women. It’s important that it be fresh-smelling but not too cologne-y. Prints on a t-shirt are fine but don’t go crazy. Keep it simple. If you’re reaching for an animal print, you might want to rethink what life decisions have led you to this point.
ON: A Great Jacket
While a black leather jacket is a classic, it’s also a little tired. We love to see a creative spin on this. Give us a vintage, worn-out leather or suede jacket that is not black but somewhere in the browns, greys, or greens! Go crazy!
ON: A High-Quality Sweater
Gives us something to hold onto that feels nice and comforting. If you’re capable of properly sheltering your body from the cold and wind, then maybe you have some shelter to provide for us as well. We like a sweater that feels like it has some staying power, not something cheap that won’t make it through the next laundry cycle.
ON: Sleeves Slightly Rolled Up Forearms are hot. A casual roll of the sleeves makes you look like you could build a deck or fix a sink, and we like this level of preparedness.
THE STUFF THAT’S DIVISIVE
File these under DIVISIVE, but when they work, they really work:
THE ACCESSORIES BREAKDOWN
Got one that you love that you’re just dying to wear? I won’t lie to you guys: Accessories are risky.
The short answer is that it depends on the woman. Some women might go crazy for the same item that other women can’t stand. I’ve heard women say they like a gold necklace. Some have a thing for reading glasses. Some have a strong preference for a real watch over an Apple Watch. I have one friend who thinks puka shell necklaces are totally hot. Dark horses sometimes win. But if you show up to a date in a puka shell necklace, you’re taking a pretty big swing.
The best advice I can give you is to know your audience. If you’re not sure, leave it at home.
There is one accessory that will immediately increase your attractiveness to the beautiful and twisted mind of the female… and that is a wedding ring.
I don’t make the rules.