’Tis the season for those cheesy, predictable holiday TV movies that can’t be avoided during the Christmas rush. While none of this year’s crop has generated the buzz of 2024’s Hot Frosty (how do you top a snowman come to life as a rock-abbed Chippendales dancer?), there are still a few so-bad-yet-so-good festive flicks arriving before Dec. 25. Relax, it’ll all be over before you sober up.
My Secret Santa (Premieres Wednesday, Dec. 3; Netflix): A broke single mom (Virgin River’s Alexandra Breckenridge) pretends to be a man in order to land a Santa gig at a ski resort, which somehow doesn’t lead to a 24/7 “War on Christmas” gender-politics meltdown at Fox News. But when she falls for the resort hotel’s dreamy manager (New Amsterdam’s Ryan Eggold), will she compromise her secret? Or does her crush have a Claus kink that could work out for everyone here? You’d better watch out …
Oh. What. Fun. (Premieres Wednesday, Dec. 3; Prime Video): Amazon rolls out one budget-buster Christmas movie a year, and the snarkily punctuated Oh. What. Fun. apparently spent big on casting: Michelle Pfeiffer, Felicity Jones, Chloë Grace Moretz, Denis Leary, Jason Schwartzman and Eva Longoria star in what’s essentially a reverse Home Alone that celebrates every family’s perfectionist holiday homemaker (in this case, Pfeiffer). The flick lives up to the Fun. part, especially Longoria’s Oprah cosplay as Zazzy Tims.
Do You Fear What I Fear (Premieres Thursday, Dec. 4; Lifetime Movie Network): Leave it to the Lifetime Movie Network to reframe a low-key stalker story as a Christmas meet-cute. Just when small-town woman Claire (Ciara Hanna) is settled in the big city, mysterious Christmas decorations start appearing in her apartment, each with creepily detailed, intimate messages about her. It could be her hunky new neighbor, it could be her obsessed ex, or it could be a holly-jolly murderer because what the hell, LMN?
She’s Making a List (Premieres Saturday, Dec. 6; Hallmark Channel): Santa has outsourced his annual Christmas list to the Naughty or Nice Group consulting firm, so now it’s up to inspector Isabel (Hallmark movie staple Lacey Chabert) to separate the good kids from the bad based on holiday algorithms. But, just when she’s ready to pull the “naughty” trigger on a troublesome tyke, she develops the feels for his suspiciously widowed dad. Careful, Isabel—this could end worse than Do You Fear What I Fear.
Christmas in Alaska (Premieres Wednesday, Dec. 12; Lifetime): After their plane is downed in Alaska, a pair of rival journalists (Emma Johnson and Marcus Rosner) who are competing for the same big-money promotion find unexpected romance in a Christmas-y wonderland. This is unmistakably a fantasy tale, as there’s no such thing as lucrative advancement in journalism (or so I’ve heard). Also, what’s the big story they were chasing in Alaska? A destitute woman posing as a male Santa due to failing Trumponomics?
Have We Met This Christmas? (Premieres Thursday, Dec. 13; GAF): When a real estate developer (Danica McKellar) suffers amnesia from a car accident, she winds up at a secluded mountain lodge, where she falls in love with a flannel-shirted himbo (Jesse Hutch). Also, said lodge is in danger of being razed by a cold-hearted real estate developer who’s mysteriously gone missing. Convenient amnesia and a cozy inn that needs saving? Two classic holiday flick boxes checked, and not a single stalker/murderer in sight.
A Pickleball Christmas (Premieres Thursday, Dec. 20; Lifetime): A champion tennis player (James Lafferty) returns home to Florida for Christmas and learns that his family’s racquet club is about to be sold away—holy 1-percenter problems! Naturally, he teams up with the inexplicably single resident coach (Zibby Allen) to compete in a high-stakes, winner-takes-all pickleball tournament to save the club. As you’d suspect, a sequel is already in the works for next year: A Pickleball Christmas 2: Dink the Halls.