Girls trips are all about accusing your friends of alcoholism because you love each other, injuring yourself in a comedy of errors, and getting kicked out of every establishment you enter. When you’re a Real Housewife, the fun times are relegated to a flashback, anyway. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to make the moment count.
In the Greek land where taglines are illegal and good times are strictly scrutinized, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are desperately seeking sanctuary, hoping they can find themselves in a peaceful place before the season’s end. Unfortunately for them, they can’t even make it to breakfast.
Angie K. smashed her finger on the cruise as penance for wearing one of Brownyn’s blow-up costumes, and here, she’s smashed in the face with a tray full of glass. Okay, you want to be Greek? Fine. Opa!
The trip to Greece is actually the most magical reveal after three seasons and a friend-of stint of Angie K. as the Greek whisperer. Everywhere she goes, Angie K. sports blue and white like she’s crowdfunding My Big Fat Greek Vacation with Nia Vardalos (the only other Greek celebrity, canonically). She’s constantly crumbling feta and discussing the old country with her daughter who couldn’t care less.
To be Angie K. is to be Greek, and yet, she rolls up to Santorini knowing five words of the language, constantly embarrassing herself—and the group at large—to the point she might be banished from the promised land for good. There’s some intense symbolism in relation to Angie’s own rise and fall as an underdog who’s now too big for her britches here, somewhere.
First, a humiliation ritual ensues at the spa, where Britani classlessly costs the whole group their time of rest and relaxation. Splashing the ladies in an effort to melt them as though they’re the Wicked Witch (flip it around, Meredith Marks!), Britani has a giggle and a good time, as everyone else bands together to kill her with sticks. As Heather puts it, “Britani is doing what everyone hates, which is being Britani.”
“I’m funny, remember? I’m funny,” Britani explains, to no avail.
“You’re not funny,” Angie replies.
The ladies then enter into a type of warfare rarely seen on reality TV, though always entertaining: the whisper fight. It’s almost like ASMR, the stunning cacophony of Angie and Lisa’s voices cascading through the TV to provide a sweet, sultry lullaby.
Meanwhile, across the couch, Meredith awakens from a deep slumber to remind Britani that there’s a difference between being a mother and a Mother, and the way Meredith sees it, Britani’s neither. Lisa piggybacks off that to tell Britani that her tears that she didn’t receive a call on Mother’s Day from her daughter were fake (“No, I’m not kidding. I really thought it was fake,” she doubles down).
The women are told to quiet down many times, exiting in shame as the other spa-goers attempt to find zen, ignorant and unaware of the power a Housewives fight has in enriching your inner peace.
Later, on the drive to dinner, Lisa giggles while calling Britani an alcoholic, continuing the Housewives’ favorite tradition of casually claiming someone you know is dying from a vicious addiction.
“Britani, you little lush! I heard you were drinking, throwing up; drinking, throwing up. Are you an alcoholic?” Lisa says with the biggest smile. For some reason, Britani finds the question offensive, as does Whitney, who thinks it’s super crass to call someone an alcoholic flippantly, unless your name is Whitney Rose and you have synthetic red hair.
Earlier that day, after all, Whitney, Mary, and Bronwyn sat for lunch to have a little girl talk: Do you all think Meredith is slowly dying from the vicious disease of alcohol and drug addiction? And how good is this salad?
One fun thing about the Real Housewives is that even when the conversations are redundant, the scenery’s always changing. Far from the parking lots of Salt Lake City, the women have this heart-to-heart amidst the coastal views of Santorini, really elevating (pun intended) the gravitas.
Here, Mary says, “I think Meredith needs help,” setting into motion a season finale intervention that could change the nature of the group forever. It seems sincere, even though the tone of Whitney and Bronwyn’s voices make every sentence seem phony, but Mary does a great job grounding the scene.
While it’s obviously unsavory to liken Meredith to an addict, it’s at least honest in a way the post-plane meltdown has never felt, as, simply put, no one in this group cares about Britani and her feelings, nor do they care if Meredith actively watched Crazy Rich Asians. The accusation of drug abuse is out there, now, and it’s even more damning in this instance than Whitney coyly calling her a pill popper. That means it has to be addressed, that things can never be the same—and it’s a heightening of the stakes the season has needed after a few weeks of aimless in-fighting.
Of course, Bronwyn tosses even more salt on the wound, letting the women know she and Todd ran into Seth Marks in New York on what looked like a date.
“My first thought was not, ‘Oh, Seth’s on a date with someone,’ because I’m not like that,” Bronwyn says, being like that. “But I’m starting to feel like, as I watch her be so defensive about people talking about her marriage, there’s something wrong here.”
So, there you have it. The women think Meredith is an alcoholic pill-popper whose husband cheats on her, and they’re saying all of this because they love her. There’s nothing that warms the heart more than women supporting women. She’s definitely going to love watching this!
In the spirit of sisterhood, then, Meredith takes the reins at the group dinner and shares that she’s the one who told Lisa that Britani drinks and throws up, while Whitney utters “uh uh, that’s unfair!”. After all, if these women were sisters, Whitney would definitely be the kid sister who’s always in some mischief. Lisa is the sister everyone’s jealous of because she’s pretty and perfect (or, so she’d think). Britani is the step-sibling whose only friends are mice. Cinderelly, Cinderelly!
Thus, the women fight as sisters, Heather standing up for misfit Britani by reminding everyone she’s more accomplished than some of them, leading to a mutiny of disgust at the idea Britani could be their peer. Then, Lisa accidentally spills wine on Whitney while the two engage in a pointing fight, and the manager of the restaurant kicks everyone out. I’d do the same thing if I watched people pick on poor, innocent Britani.
Only one episode remains in the Salt Lake City search for salvation, and it’s abundantly clear they won’t find that anywhere near Santorini, where trays go flying and wine glasses can’t stop breaking. Opa!