- Parents might wonder if video games effect their kids’ moods and behavior, expose them to predatory interactions online, or even cause them to be more violent.
- The truth is more nuanced: There is scientific evidence that playing video games can actually benefit young minds.
- If parents do allow video games, they should always do so in moderation.
As ubiquitous and popular as video games are, they are just as controversial. Parents love them—they entertain kids, give them another way to socialize, and might even reinforce motor and problem solving skills—and love to loathe them in equal parts. After all, when your kid is sitting in their room all day playing games, you might start to wonder if their time is better spent outside or reading a book.
Parents also can’t deny that when your kid is occupied with a video game, the adults earn precious time to finish up tasks around the house—or even the possibility of free time to do absolutely nothing, even if for a few minutes. But parents also rightfully worry about video games, when it comes to exposure to guns and violence in particular.
In a country wracked by the specter of gun violence some parents may wonder: Did video games play a role? How strongly should parents limit video games, especially with boys who are 9 years or older? Parents spoke to experts and other parents about the arguments for—and against—video games.
Argument #1: Video Games Are Good For Boys
Video games, whether we like it or not, are a cornerstone of modern life for many young boys, whether they are introduced to them by their peers or through advertising. And the reality is, video games have real benefits for kids.
Kids are making friends by playing video games
When it comes to young boys in particular, studies have shown that video games may be a modern path to friendships—especially in a time where the male loneliness epidemic is so strongly reported.
Zishan Khan, MD, child and adolescent psychiatrist and Regional Medical Director with Mindpath Health says there are many good reasons for young boys to play video games.
“Video games are the modern equivalent of the neighborhood pickup game: a place to compete, connect, and experiment with identity. Multiplayer and cooperative games can strengthen friendships, especially for kids who struggle socially offline, giving them a shared activity and low‑pressure way to interact,” he explains.
But that isn’t the only positive way video games can impact a young boy’s life. Studies demonstrate that video games—especially like the building game Minecraft—can sharpen creativity and problem solving skills.
Dr. Khan agrees, and adds that games can boost cognitive development.
“Certain games appear to support attention, visual‑spatial skills, and problem solving, and some studies link regular gaming with better performance on specific cognitive tasks,” he says.
American McGee, Founder of Plushie Dreadfuls and video game designer, is also a parent, and he analyzed both the costs and benefits of gaming.
“Games are excellent for sharpening these abilities, and we have definitely observed that our child excels in these areas compared to his friends who do not play games. The same benefit comes from certain educational games and videos—another area where we’ve noticed a significant difference between our kids and those who don’t have access to these types of resources,” he says.
Video games can be conversation starters
While gaming might not be perfect, responsible gaming might actually allow families to have discussions about their family values, bravery, and what to do if and when they see harmful or scary content (and how to talk about it with a trusted adult).
They also almost by necessity force families to talk about scheduling and boundaries, and how to game in moderation.
Indeed, studies indicate that games can improve inter-family relationships because they allow more avenues for conversation about how to play games safely and responsibly.
Argument #2: Moderation is Key in Gaming for Young Boys
McGee says that moderation is key in his household—and that his screen time limits are linked to other learning time. 30 minutes of game time must be matched with 30 minutes of educational gaming or video content. We have a similar system in my house: We link gaming time to reading time: 20 minutes of reading means 30 minutes of gaming, and there’s no argument about the moderating factor.
Alanna Gallo, M.Ed., former teacher, screen time parenting expert and founder of Play. Learn. Thrive., and parent of a young boy, agrees that moderation is absolutely vital.
“My oldest is 10 and was not allowed to play video games until he was 8 years old. When we introduced video games, we limited his time to 30-45 minutes 2-3 times per week, after conversations with him about what we all thought was reasonable,” says Gallo.
Not only does McGee prioritize moderation, but he is also always in the room while his son plays.
“As with any form of media, parents should be involved with the selection and playing of these games. I find playing various multiplayer games where I’m in the same room as my boy and we’re talking about the experience while running around together is educational for him and fun for us both,” he says.
So video games can be useful to the development of children, but only when accompanied by other off-screen activities.
“The key is that benefits tend to show up when gaming complements a balanced life that includes sleep, school, physical activity, in‑person friendships, and family time, rather than replacing them,” Dr. Khan explains.
Argument #3: Gaming is Dangerous for Young Boys—and Studies Prove It
If you’re on the fence about introducing video games to your boys, there is a strong argument for steering clear.
Certain video games have addictive qualities
Khan qualifies his praise of certain aspects of video games with the caveat that video games can also be highly addictive, according to multiple studies. Games are designed to be addictive—asking too much of growing brains to distinguish between what feels good and what is actually good.
In addition to addictive qualities, “Titles that rely on [features like] loot boxes, constant micro-transactions, or casino‑like mechanics can increase financial conflicts at home and may foster unhealthy relationships with risk and reward,” Khan says.
Kids, for example, may use their parents’ credit cards to buy more in-game rewards, or buy apps without asking first. This can put pressure on families’ resources.
Parents have also observed that playing video games can actually change a child’s behavior long after the game has been switched off–and not for the better.
“We limit video gaming because it is designed to be highly addictive and often negatively impacts behaviors [like] emotional regulation, focus, [and] impulse control. I’ve worked with many families who have boys with extremely unhealthy gaming habits, so I know the potential impact and don’t want that for my son,” Gallo explains.
Online games have the potential to expose children to predators
But troublingly, online video games like Roblox have demonstrated not just addictiveness, but can open up kids to predatory adults. Roblox attempted to put safeguards in place to protect kids’ identities, ages, and locations, but kids are smart—they can find workarounds.
“In response to criticism and legal pressure, Roblox has rolled out stronger parental controls, age‑based defaults, and tighter communication limits for children under 13, including tools that let parents manage settings from their own accounts. Open chat in teen or adult‑rated games can expose kids to hate speech, sexual content, and harassment. Those features are only protective if parents learn about and actively use them,” explains Khan.
Despite these features, and perhaps most tellingly of all, Khan doesn’t allow Roblox in his own home.
“I would never let my 8-year-old start playing Roblox and have advised the parents of patients of mine against it due to the fact that it is just too difficult for these safeguards to be entirely reliable,” he says.
Do violent video games lead to violent behavior?
None of those considerations even begin to address the biggest elephant of the room: Are video games making boys more violent?
The American Academy of Pediatric’s official stance on violent video games is that they should be limited—and if your boys engage in violent video games (like Halo or Call of Duty), parents should be ready to discuss what they’ve engaged in, in the world of the game.
Some studies seem to suggest that violent behavior while playing the game increased and became a contagious factor when they played that same game with other friends. In other words, if an adolescent saw their friend being violent in a game, they also became more violent.
That being said, many studies seem to show even violent video games don’t have lasting ill-effects on boys., This is a comforting revelation, especially because of how ubiquitous games are.
Even though a causal link is hard to establish between violent games and violent behavior, Gallo stays away from violent games in her own household.
“There is a huge difference between a son and father playing Mario Kart for an hour laughing alongside each other, and a 9-year-old playing a first-person shooter game alone for 3 hours in the basement. So the context matters,” she says.
Which video games are appropriate for your child?
Dr. Khan suggests parents think in categories of games to decide whether they’re safe for their boys. They should take into account age, too. Remember, the AAP says younger kids should stick to physical games. But above the age of 10, and further into adolescence until 17-years-old, kids can consume games more responsibly.
“First‑person shooters with graphic realism, games that reward cruelty or humiliation, or sexually explicit content are generally not appropriate for younger boys and can be particularly problematic when played for many hours [alone] or when a child is already struggling behaviorally,” he adds.
These categories of video games are not just unsafe—they have the potential to be dangerous for children and young boys.
So Should You Let Your Son Play Video Games?
Chances are, if your son is not already playing video games, he at least has expressed an interest. While some studies indicate that they lead to behavioral issues, they can also be a fruitful pastime—helping kids develop problem solving skills, creativity, and building friendships.
If you decide to allow video games, Moderation is always key. And whatever path parents of young boys choose, give yourself grace.
“The task for parents is not to eliminate that space but to make it safer, more balanced, and more aligned with the kind of young men they hope their sons will become,” says Dr Kahn.
You Let Kid Plays Video Games. Now What?
Video games are a part of most households, including mine. So what are some ways parents can safeguard their young boys from any potential perils? Dr. Khan has some suggestions.
- Start with balance, not punishment. Remember, video games are simply a part of life (unless you have decided to take a hard-no stance against them, which is your right as a parent)—so frame your expectations realistically, balancing sleep, school, chores, and activities so video game usage feels equitable and earned.
- Connect games to skills and values. What are your family values? Teamwork, problem solving, good sportsmanship, and other skills can be practiced around video games.
- Model healthy digital habits. Parents’ own phone and media use signals kids to what is normal and expected—so keep an eye on your own screentime and try to stay off your phone in those periods during the day when you’re trying to have quality, one-on-one time with your kids. If your attitude towards screen time is healthy, chances are your kids’ will be too.
- Watch for warning signs. If you see your kids lying about how much they are gaming, giving up previous activities they enjoyed, losing sleep, or changing moods, you know it’s time to intervene.
When to Seek Out Extra Support
The AAP also has a handy Family Media Plan builder, so that you and your young boys can get on the same page about digital hygiene and literacy.
“I also strongly advise that when concerns are significant—such as a child refusing school, staying up all night to play, or showing marked mood or behavior changes—parents need to consider a consultation with a mental health professional who understands both child development and digital media rather than relying solely on generic advice,” adds Dr. Khan.
It’s important to know that because gaming can be addictive, your boys’ habits should be watched carefully.