Building wealth must wait when leaving an abusive relationship. Here’s what financial experts say to do first
Jade Warshaw and George Kamel
How much money do you need before you can walk away from an abusive relationship? According to The Ramsey Show hosts, the answer is just as much as you need — and not a dollar more.
“How should I be investing to build wealth, but also to leave an emotionally abusive relationship?” Sarah asked the cohosts during a recent episode.
She’s been with her partner for four years and they live together. Over that time, she’s paid off her car and cleared all her debts, and has about $8,000 in savings. Now she’s wondering if she should be investing that money, “maybe buying a quadplex,” she said (1).
Host Jade Warshaw’s first question had nothing to do with investment strategy.
She wanted to know Sarah’s timeline for leaving — which Sarah said was six to eight months.
“Tell me what’s precluding you from going now,” Warshaw asked, making a clear distinction between building long-term wealth and saving up the immediate cash for a safe exit.
When your physical safety or mental well-being is at stake, financial priorities need to shift.
“Cash is your friend. You need liquid money,” Warshaw told her. Building wealth, she said, can come later — once Sarah is out of the relationship and on more stable ground.
The instinct to invest and grow your money faster is understandable, especially when you have a goal in mind. But if you need ready access to cash in the near future for things like a security deposit, first and last month’s rent, moving costs or furniture, putting that money into investments can backfire. Market volatility or liquidity restrictions could leave you unable to access funds exactly when you need them most.
Abusive relationships can often involve financial abuse alongside other forms of harm. In many cases, the abuser controls how money is spent, making it much harder for the other person to leave.
Research conducted in the Greater Ottawa region by the Canadian Centre for Women’s Empowerment found that 93% of the economic abuse survivors lacked access to their own money, and 86% were ordered to quit work — making them more financially dependent and socially isolated (2). As the study noted, economic abuse doesn’t always end when a victim leaves. Abusive partners can build up debt in a victim’s name — known as coerced debt — leaving survivors with damaged credit, difficulty renting an apartment and in some cases, no real choice but to return (3).
According to Women’s Gender Equality Canada, young women aged 15 to 24 are almost three times more likely than older women to have been emotionally, financially or psychologically abused by an intimate partner in the previous 12 months (4). Also, Statistics Canada reported that there were 128,175 victims of intimate partner violence in Canada in 2024 alone — with women and girls accounting for nearly 4 in 5 victims (5).
In Sarah’s situation, she has some advantages: She’s financially independent, has her own bank account, is debt-free and has some savings. But her income is modest — roughly about $2,300 a month, and she has no close support network, which makes leaving harder. Cohost George Kamel put it plainly: “Right now an emergency could tank you.”
Ideally, housing should sit around 25% to 30% of your take-home pay, Warshaw noted. At Sarah’s current income level, that’s a tight constraint in most cities, but it’s not impossible. Investing and building wealth will have to come later.
If you’re planning to leave an abusive relationship, here are the most important financial steps to take:
Keep cash accessible and separate. Your first priority is liquid savings that are inaccessible to your partner — ideally in a separate account at a different financial institution, with statements sent to a trusted address or available online only.
Lower your immediate housing costs. A roommate situation or short-term sublet is a bridge to getting out of a harmful environment and stabilizing yourself — it doesn’t have to be permanent. Kamel echoed Warshaw’s advice: “Do whatever you need to do to get out of that toxic situation. Now is the time to go. Don’t have some random arbitrary number” in mind.
Build your emergency fund. Once you’re out, the next step is building a cushion that covers three to six months of living expenses. A Tax-Free Savings Account (TFSA) is an excellent place to keep cash — your money grows tax-free and you can withdraw it at any time without penalty.
Then look toward the future. Only once you’re stable, with a safe place to live, a reliable income and a solid emergency fund does it make sense to start thinking about long-term investments or buying real estate. Rushing into that step while you’re still in a precarious position means taking on risks you can’t yet afford.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you don’t have to navigate this alone. The Government of Canada’s family violence resources page provides a national directory that includes crisis lines listed by province and territory, transition houses, shelters and support services (6).
If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
The Ramsey Show hosts weren’t advising Sarah to give up on her financial goals — they were helping her prioritize them. Right now, the most important investment she can make isn’t in real estate. It’s in her own safety and stability.
Liquidity comes first. Building wealth comes later. And getting out sooner rather than later is the most important financial decision she — and anyone else in a similar situation — can make right now.
