When we watch films and television shows that are period pieces, we see the idea of feminine purity and how strongly it must be upheld to survive as a woman in society. As Daphne Basset reminds us in “Bridgerton,” if a young, eligible woman is found alone with a man, she “shall be ruined;” the mere suggestion that an unmarried woman fraternizes with non-suitors would sully the family name.
While that extreme is no longer present in American culture, men do still judge women based on how they dress; the kind of clothing signals the degree of honor and virtue the woman should be afforded. As a feminine-presenting woman who enjoys wearing flowy dresses and skirts, I have noticed that my style of dress affects how men treat me.
One day, I was running errands, and I had taken extra care when getting dressed: a long, white, drop-waisted skirt and a red top with boning and off-the-shoulder straps. In CVS, a man – probably in his mid to late thirties – made a big show of stepping to the side in the shampoo aisle to let me pass, his bright eyes sliding down my body. His gaze didn’t feel predatory. It felt like he was in awe of me.
Fast forward a couple months: a long, softly yellowed sundress clings to my skin, the skirt full. A man – probably in his early twenties – picks up his pace to beat me to the door handle and holds the door open, patiently waiting while I pass. The day before, I was walking in this same hallway clad in jeans, and the man behind me did not rush ahead of me to get the door. He didn’t even give me a second glance when I held the door for him.
When I’m dressed in a soft feminine way, I receive tasteful compliments, and I am treated well. If I am in a clingy scoop-neck black dress, men give me attention centered around how my body looks. If a woman is dressed in a sexy way, men are likely to treat her as a sex object. If she is wearing something akin to what a woman would have worn in Regency era England, men will treat her like a “lady.”
The distinction between a lady and a woman is essential. Anthony Bridgerton’s declaration that “every woman isn’t a lady” while in conversation with his mistress, opera singer Siena Rosso, illustrates that some women are viewed as entertainment and a means to sexual pleasure while others are viewed as potential wives and mothers.
In her song, “Lavender Haze,” Taylor Swift perfectly epitomizes this binary with the lyric “The only kind of girl they see is a one-night or a wife.” Men look at women and think, “what can she do for me?”
However, dressing nicely doesn’t mean that the woman is performing for the man; instead, she is performing for herself. Sometimes, the objectification elevates her rather than demeaning her. The experience I had when a man literally ran ahead of me to provide a service, even something as seemingly small as holding the door for a few seconds, made me feel empowered. This is partly because when I am dressed softly, I feel like a goddess. My energy is different than when I’m in jeans. Dresses make me happy, so I am bubblier and more open when I am wearing them. This bubbliness is infectious. I feel classy, and people treat me like I’m classy.
Chivalry is more present when women are dressed in a traditionally feminine way. As women display more stereotypically feminine characteristics and attire, men display more stereotypically masculine characteristics.
True chivalry is when men treat women like queens regardless of their level of sexual or romantic interest in the woman they are supporting or protecting. However, chivalry does not have to confine women to certain patterns of behavior. Instead, it can empower women to explore activities and clothing that allow them to express themselves authentically. All women, regardless of status and appearance, should be treated well. If today’s men truly respect all women and embrace the principles of chivalry, we could truly say: “chivalry is not dead.”