Her friend’s spending is living ‘rent-free’ in her head. The Ramsey Show says comparing finances is toxic
Hosts on a podcast
Have you found yourself making a judgy comment — even if only in your head — about a friend or family member’s spending habits? It’s human nature to make comparisons, but it can become harmful when it leads to distraction.
Sarah called into The Ramsey Show to vent about her struggles with her friend’s financial decisions.
Sarah is a single mother working hard as a housecleaner to pay off US$3,000 in debt and build an emergency fund, following Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps.
In contrast, she says her friend only works occasionally running a boutique. Since the beginning of the year, Sarah’s friend and her husband have bought and traded four vehicles, including a US$120,000 Escalade.
“They claim they make money off of these vehicles,” Sarah told co-hosts Jade Warshaw and Rachel Cruze.
Sarah feels the couple could have paid off half their mortgage with the money they used to buy the Escalade. However, her friend says she doesn’t want to pay off her mortgage because she gets “too many tax deductions from having a house.”
Though it has no bearing on Sarah’s life, “it kind of drives me crazy,” she said.
Warshaw’s advice to Sarah: “Mind your own business and pay off your debt.” However, doing so can be easier said than done.
Sarah’s angst is common — FP Canada’s 2025 Financial Stress Index indicates 42% of Canadians say money is their top source of psychological strain (1). And this can often be compounded by social dynamics within friend circles.
Many Canadians admit to financially comparing themselves to their peers or overspending to help them feel like they measure up.
As many as 1 in 5 Canadians reported taking on debt so they could spend time with friends, according to a 2025 Grant Thornton Debt Solutions (2). And the desire to match peers hasn’t changed over time: A 2018 Edward Jones survey found a majority of young adults (61%) question how their friends can afford their lifestyles (3).
Ultimately, these statistics show that money worries and social pressures to maintain a specific image can strain relationships, as financial conversations — or lack thereof — make up a critical element of personal well-being.
There’s a term used to describe this dynamic: social comparison theory. As described in Psychology Today, social comparison theory suggests that we measure our own social and personal worth by comparing ourselves to others (4).
While comparing yourself to your peers can encourage self-improvement, constantly doing so can “promote judgmental, biased and overly competitive or superior attitudes.”
As Warshaw pointed out, Sarah works hard for her money, and is diligently paying off her debt. Sarah may feel jealous or resentful toward her friend who demonstrates a more casual attitude toward her finances, making it appear she has it much easier than Sarah.
Instead, Cruze said Sarah would be better off focusing on her own choices around money instead of her friend’s lifestyle.
“The rent-free space that she has in your brain right now, it’s not worth it,” Cruze said.
She also added that there may be something else happening as Sarah does the work to get her finances in order. When someone makes a major and positive shift in their life, they may start “to gravitate towards people that are like-minded.” And they may start drifting away from people who aren’t congruent with that.
When you measure your financial health against others, it can breed jealousy, resentment, feelings of inadequacy or guilt. But obsessing about it could derail your own goals.
For example, fear of missing out (FOMO) can lead to impulsive decision-making. Maybe that means overspending to “keep up with the Joneses” or forgoing long-term goals like paying down debt or saving for retirement in favour of short-term gratification.
And FOMO has motivated Canadians to make purchases beyond their means. A study by Citizen Relations shows nearly two-thirds (64%) of Canadians – especially younger adults — experience FOMO when they see social media posts about their friends’ lifestyles (5).
Everyone’s financial path is different and we never know what’s really happening in other people’s lives, despite what they might say, or show. Focusing on your own journey could mean:
Building an emergency fund — ideally enough money to cover three to six months of living expenses so unexpected costs don’t derail your progress
Maintaining a low debt-to-income ratio — keeping debt manageable gives you more breathing room and reduces stress that often fuels comparison in the first place
Growing your net worth — by steadily increasing your assets and reducing your liabilities, you’ll create real financial stability instead of chasing what others appear to have
And in some cases, it may mean setting boundaries for the sake of the relationship.
If a friend asks for a loan and you suspect you’ll never see that money again, then it may be better not to loan the money in the first place — especially in an economic climate where many Canadians are feeling financially pressured. This is a situation where you may need to set hard boundaries — or have an honest conversation with your friend to reset expectations moving forward.
“It’s OK to have boundaries, Sarah,” Cruze said. “If you need to set up relational boundaries, that’s okay too.”
In Sarah’s case, she could also choose to lift her friend up rather than put her down and judge her.
It may be hard, “but we can be kind; we can be curious and not judgmental,” said Cruze. “But have a level of grace for her and yourself.”
Sarah’s story shows how easy it can be to get caught up in judging your peers’ spending — and how quickly comparing yourself to them can derail your own financial progress. Social pressures, FOMO and money-related stress are common, but they don’t have to dictate your how you manage your money.
Focusing on your own goals, building healthy financial habits and setting clear boundaries when needed can protect both your friendships — and your wallet. In the end, staying grounded in your values will matter far more than keeping up with anyone else.
