Sure, I watched the Bad Bunny Super Bowl Halftime performance. Now I’m GAY!
I also immediately wanted hordes of illegal immigrants to flood over the American border bearing the flags of their respective countries, and armadas of refugee boats to crash onto our shores to unload throngs of unwashed masses to immediately receive health benefits and voting rights, transforming the United States of America into a Hispanic socialist utopia, subjugating all White people under an oppressive totalitarian thumb, and banishing them to gulags for re-education.
But luckily there was an antidote to the grand psychosis I’d succumb to. Just one spin of Lee Brice’s new song “Country Nowadays” and it slobberknocked the gay right out of me. And like the mighty caw of a bald eagle echoing through a canyon as it flies over rocky, snow-capped peaks with an American flag superimposed across its face, “Country Nowadays” resonated throughout every crevice of my cranium and red-blooded American heart, setting my perspective straight. Lee Greenwood, eat your heart out.
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Hey thanks Lee Brice for making all of country music, and all country music fans look like regressive cousin f-ckers, you horse’s ass. And an a pox on your house for attempting to revive the absolute most terrible excesses and sins of the Bro-Country era with your egregiously bad listing off of American country iconography, groveling to the very lowest level of low-brow denominators.
Nobody’s trying to tell you that you can’t mow your damn lawn or wear boots, or go fishing or whatever the hell else you say in this stupid song—you middle-aged, dork-ass, washed-up third-tier country entertainer hoping to springboard yourself back to relevancy by angling for “cancellation.” I thought victim casting was the domain of the left? You’re really trying to tell me you’re having a tough time of it, Lee Brice? Why, because you defaulted on your yacht loan because you haven’t had a hit in six years? Quit being such a pussy.
Listen folks, don’t be coerced into thinking you must defend this song just because it lands on your side of the stupid culture war. I’d rather country music succumb to AI slop than this panty-waist, fear-mongering, obsequious and slavish pandering to a constituency, slobbering over low-hanging culture war issues like it’s a vein-popping male appendage.
And yes, the folks that have tried to sell us on the idea that gender is a social construct who’ve all of a sudden become more anti-Darwin than the creationists, they need to step back. How about we let kids grow up and go through the growing pains and exploration we all did before making life-altering health decisions when they’re still adolescents?
But even that issue is resetting back to a more reasonable equilibrium. “Country Nowadays” feels like it was written in 2020 or something, and for smart reasons, was left on the shelf. At least the Aaron Lewis and Oliver Anthony songs were timely. This just feels abruptly outdated.
Hey, it’s your dude who’s in power now, Lee Brice. It’s a country song that’s #1 in all of music at the moment. So why are you bitching? And as we all lob grenades at each other over stupid songs like this one, it’s the elites from both parties robbing the treasury and immiserating us all. Now that would make a good premise for a country song.
“But Trig, this isn’t even a really song yet! There’s not a studio version of it!” For the love of God, let’s please keep it that way. Don’t let this bun out of the oven. Even right wingers can advocate for this being one creation not worth bringing to term. Because if they had any sense, they’d realize this song portrays them in the most negative of negative light.
Wait, what? The studio version comes out Feb. 19th? Well screw me.
This is the kind of refuse you get when you politicize country music. Either it’s screechy Maren Morris garbage that makes you want to scrape your eyeballs out, or this crap.
“Country Nowadays” does NOT represent actual country music these days at all. It represents one man’s over-ripened perspective as he overextends himself by feverishly grasping for attention for his dying career, inadvertently working to pull the entirety of the country genre down with him.
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