Financial expert Dave Ramsey has long argued that couples should operate as a team, with full transparency around spending, debt and long-term goals. But not every relationship works that way.
Susan, 59, called into The Ramsey Show and told hosts Rachel Cruze and Ken Coleman (1) that her husband of six years has kept their finances almost entirely off-limits.
He controls the accounts, handles the major bills, and gives her a small allowance for groceries and everyday expenses.
“This is an overlord, not a husband,” Coleman said in response.
When she recently started asking questions – and pushing for more transparency – his response wasn’t to open the books. He threatened divorce.
Susan claims her husband asked her to sign a blank prenup the day before their wedding. On another occasion, he went to the bank to refinance their house without telling her (she’s not listed on the mortgage). She said he may have refinanced it to address his struggling business.
When the hosts asked what she needed help with, Susan didn’t have a clear answer because she didn’t have a clear picture of her own finances.
She isn’t sure how much her husband owes, what she’d be walking into if the marriage ends or what she’s entitled to.
The hosts told her there may be a small silver lining: If her name isn’t on any loans or accounts, she likely isn’t legally responsible for his debt. But without visibility, there’s no way to be certain, and that’s the real problem.
“But that doesn’t really help you with your problem,” he added. “You don’t know what he’s done. You don’t know what he’s put in your name.”
And Cruze warned of a risk around home equity, especially as she’s not listed on the mortgage.
“Any equity that’s built into this thing, either you don’t have, which is a negative,” Cruze said. “But also, if he is underwater a hundred grand in business loans and he has to file bankruptcy, they’re going to take the house and use the equity.”
She said she just finished a degree in esthetics, but doesn’t yet have the means to support herself. The hosts advised her to make a choice ASAP and, at the very least, go get a job.
“Either he changes and chooses to be a spouse in this relationship, which means commitment and transparency,” Cruze said. “If he doesn’t do that, which he probably won’t, then you need to make a decision.”