The science of social confusion and other embarrassing moments
Published 7:50 pm Tuesday, March 10, 2026
There are certain moments in everyone’s life when our brain simply refuses to cooperate with society. Maybe its due to not enough coffee or too much late-night television. These are the moments when we do or say something that is so embarrassing, we consider moving to another state. Science hasn’t been able to understand this condition known as social confusion where we have a brain that forgets how people work. It’s as if we somehow forget everything our mothers worked so hard to teach us about how to behave in public. This, in a nutshell, is exactly how my week has gone.
Ever since I saw my first episode of Happy Days, I’ve always tried to copy The Fonz. I wanted to be cool with every move I made in public being slow and steady. Sadly, that just is not the case most of the time. My week started off alright. I went to the bar and actually left sober. Granted, it was a salad bar but that still counts right. I went to the dollar store to stock up on pork rinds and beef jerky because you know, a man must eat. As I get out of my car, I see a lady across the parking lot waving at me. When I say wave, I mean full arm waving as if she was attempting to flag down a passing airplane. She was yelling, “Hi, good to see you”. Well, I didn’t know this woman from Adam but being the polite guy I am, I waved back. The lady gave me a dirty look as she walked right on past me to greet the man walking behind me. It was then that I weighed my options. I could pretend I was merely stretching, or I could pretend I was swatting a bee. However, the jigg was up. The damage was done and now I can never go back to the dollar store.
I’ve been trying to find the time to go see my doctor but keep putting it off. I finally saw him today and started telling him about the strange mole I had on my butt as I dropped my pants to my knees to show him. However, he was so rude as he totally ignored me and just kept pushing his shopping cart through the produce aisle. Some people are just so rude. By lunch, I was more than ready to leave work and just enjoy a good meal. Surely, I won’t embarrass myself there, right? Well, somehow, I found a way. The waitress brought me my hamburger and said, “enjoy your meal”. My brain had apparently clocked out for the day as I responded, “you too”. Now the waitress is standing there wondering how exactly she is supposed to enjoy my hamburger. I went into recovery mode and tried to correct myself and said, “I mean…uh…enjoy…life” Finally I gave her a look that said please just leave and I’ll leave you a tip big enough to send your firstborn to college. I barely had time to recover when the phone rang. Don’t you just love it when your boss calls during your lunch break. He was going on about some mumbo jumbo that I wasn’t paying much attention too. He finally said bye and without thinking, I told my boss, “Ok I love you too”. I thought about trying to recover but just said the heck with it and hung up. There was a lady in the booth next to me at the restaurant that had a small emergency, and I sprang into action like a hero. However, I must apologize to her. I must have gotten my wires crossed as I now know that your supposed to pee on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry about that.
I recall once back in 1992 when I bought a new television, and they forget to include the remote. I went back in the store the next day to ask for it and when they told me they couldn’t do it, I went off on them. They were finally able to interject enough between my yelling to tell me that the reason they couldn’t do it was because I was in the wrong store. I needed the store next door.
Human beings often think we are above the other species on the Earth and yet I’ve never known a dog to accidentally wave at another dog or tell their boss they love them. Who’s the superior being now? Afterall, we are just one accidental wave away from embarrassing ourselves at any given moment.