Be honest, have you ever watched a rom-com and wished that you could experience a love like that? As someone obsessed with romance movies, novels, songs, and pretty much everything in between, I know I have. I would spend countless hours dreaming about my own love story: the perfect boy, grand gestures, kisses in the rain, and a heart-stopping confession of love that ultimately leads to our happily ever after.
But real love is nothing like the movies.
Romance movies make everything look so easy. Two strangers meet, sparks fly, and before you know it, everything falls into place. It’s sweet, addictive, and easy to believe. In reality, love doesn’t follow a script; it’s slower and more spontaneous, which movies tend to forget.
The problem is that people forget rom-coms are fantasy, leading to impossibly high expectations and a false, idealized view of what romance should be. Modern love is built through time, effort, compromises, and imperfection, and it’s about time we recognize the difference.
Image Credit: Orione Conceição from Pexels
Setting Unrealistic Standards
For people who consume rom-coms on a regular basis, it’s easy to get caught up in the romance and start building their expectations based on what you see on screen. In these movies, love is always shown as big and dramatic through grand gestures and speeches.
For example, in 10 Things I Hate About You, Patrick bribes the band kids to play Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” so he could sing to Kat in front of everyone to win her over after angering her. While scenes like these are definitely entertaining to watch, they quietly imply that in order to get someone to fall for you, you have to make a scene.
It doesn’t stop there. Many of these movies rely on classic tropes to create tension and move the plot along. The problem is, some of these tropes are extremely unhealthy and should not be romanticized in real life. In 10 Things I Hate About You, Patrick starts being interested in Kat only after he was paid to make her fall for him, which is already a red flag in itself.
Throughout the movie, he repeatedly breaks down her boundaries in order to get her attention, whether that’s following her around, showing up at random events or places uninvited (the club, bookstore, music shop, etc.), or forcing her to go to parties she was clearly uncomfortable with. Even though some may label this as “devotion,” this behavior would be intrusive and disrespectful in real life.
Most rom-coms also disregard money entirely. Some characters, like Kat Stratford, are portrayed as extremely wealthy and have no financial issues at all, which isn’t exactly realistic. The idea of financial stress is either completely ignored or romanticized.
You’ve Got Mail is a perfect example. Kathleen Kelly loses her bookstore due to Joe Fox’s corporate chain, yet she still falls for him anyway. Somehow, despite claiming that she has “little savings left,” she continues to live in an expensive New York apartment.
In real life, love doesn’t magically erase money problems, and people can’t just make financially reckless decisions in the name of love. No matter how strong romance is, money will always be a restraint.
Real Relationships Are Complicated
Almost all rom-coms rely on happy endings. 10 Things I Hate About You, When Harry Met Sally and Love, Simon are just a few of the many movies that end when the characters finally get together.
While this is a satisfying ending, real love doesn’t end there. In reality, the most important part happens after they get together, when the couple has to work through their problems.
The characters in these movies often work out their misunderstandings in concerning ways. One movie that stood out to me was The Notebook, where Noah Calhoun literally almost hurts himself by hanging from a Ferris Wheel with one hand until Allie Hamilton agreed to go on a date with him, despite already going out with another guy. Instead of having a conversation or just letting her go, he risks his safety.
Say Anything is another example of this, but much less intense or dangerous. Lloyd shows up with a boombox in front of Diane’s window to win her back. Also, in 10 Things I Hate About You, Patrick buys Kat a guitar instead of explaining himself. Again, if this were a real relationship, both men could’ve solved these problems by having an honest conversation.
This is a very common theme in movies. Grand gestures aren’t just used to get the girl, but to fix the most insignificant misunderstandings. Communication is key in healthy relationships, not grand gestures. In order to maintain one, people must be willing to have tough conversations instead of avoiding them.
Real Love, Actually
We know what love isn’t: constant grand gestures, toxic tropes, financial recklessness and avoiding communication. So, what should love look like, if not like the movies?
Real love is choosing honesty over drama. It’s communicating instead of mind games, being vulnerable instead of making the other guess what’s wrong. It’s consistently checking in on someone, like simply asking, “How was your day?” Love isn’t proven by how far one is willing to go for you, but how willing they are to apologize, listen and show up, even when things get uncomfortable.
Healthy relationships don’t require a soundtrack or constant grand gestures to keep things interesting. Love is giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting that they won’t. It’s the mutual effort, knowing that they’ll show up for you day after day. True love shows up in compromise, patience and willingness to grow with each other, not against.
Though it doesn’t always look cinematic, true love is guaranteed to last long after you get together. It’s not about the thrill or being performative; it’s about building something that lasts a lifetime.
Image Credit: 德綱 曾 from Unsplash
Final Thoughts
Romantic comedies are heartwarming, addicting and fun to watch, but there’s a fine line between the relationships on the screen and the ones in real life. These movies might be unrealistic, have strange tropes, and forget things that would impact love, like financial stress or communication, but that doesn’t mean we should stop watching them. Rom-coms aren’t relationship guides; they are fantasies and made for personal enjoyment.
On the other hand, real love is often quieter and values consistency, honesty and communication. Instead of grand gestures, it’s the small things that matter, like late-night calls or the feeling that someone truly understands you.
True love is built to last beyond the credits, and maybe that’s what makes real love better than the movies.